Leave The Memories Alone
by TheHappyLesbian
Summary: Gibbs/Jenny songfic. Gibbs reflects on the times with Jenny. Rated T for suggestive sexual parts.


**Story: **Leave the Memories Alone  
**Pairing: **Jenny Shepard/Leroy Jethro Gibbs  
**Rating: **T - Light M  
**Warnings: **Mentions of sexual situations/Spoilers for Judgement Day parts 1 and 2. Slight spoiler for Kill Ari part 1.  
**Disclaimer: **If I owned NCIS, Leon Vance would be dead, Jenny Shepard would be alive, and Leroy Jethro Gibbs...well he wouldn't change cuz he's simply perfect :D  
**Word Count: **1,762

_Songfic yet again. OMG shock, it's not a femslash story! Now I shall tell you the true inspiration of this story. I was watching an episode of NCIS earlier, and it showed Jenny(who I absolutley love), and then Gibbs, and you could just see something in Jenny's eyes that showed that she had still loved him, that she had never stopped. So, being my emotional self, it makes me tear up at the fact that Jenny was still in love with Gibbs, and there was something in him that still had feelings for Jenny, when she died, and they never got to be more than friends again._

* * *

_So here I am with my thoughts of you  
And this world I've left for me  
Stoic faces when I think of you  
And how I once believed  
So now you call me, but you know I won't let you through  
__I've myself to deceive_

Gibbs sat in the basement, yet another unfinished boat in the middle of the room. After two full glasses of burbon, he figured he should stop for the night, not wanting anything to be messed up because of his uncoordination. He started putting some of the tools away when something caught his eye. In the far left corner of his desk sat a piece of paper. No, not a piece of paper. A picture. He walked over and sat his tools on the desk and picked it up. There was a good sized layer of dust on it, though that did not disguise what the picture was. It was a picture of him and Jenny in front of the MTAC sign at the office. His right hand was shaking hers and his left hand was resting on the small of her back. It was taken just a few short months before she had gone...died. Though he didn't show it, he missed her dearly. Definately more than McGee or Tony. Abby, well it hit her pretty hard. Ziva too. But Gibbs was the worst. Everyone had expected him to be the strong one, the one to keep the team together. To them, he had done just that. But nobody knew that for the first week, everynight that he came home, he went to his basement and let a few tears slip out. He knew that there was still something. There had always been something still there. The glances across the office, the times they brushed against each other, both on accident or on purpose, and even some of their talks could suggest that they still had feelings for one another. He wouldn't ever deny that he still loved her. And he couldn't help but feel guilty that nothing happened. Nothing happened since their time in Paris.

_So leave the memories alone_  
_I don't want to see_  
_The way it is, as to how it used to be_  
_Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing_  
_And I'll hold you here in my memory_

***Flashback***  
They got into their hotel room after a night of just...fun. Something that neither of them had gotten to have in a very long time. Gibbs sat down on the couch while Jenny went into the restroom to change clothes. Gibbs slipped his shoes off and kicked them underneath the bed. He stood up and walked over to the bed and laid down, stretching out. The door to the restroom opened and Jenny walked out wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a navy blue NCIS shirt. Her hair was down and her makeup was off and Gibbs thought that she never looked more beautiful. She laid back on the king-sized bed beside him, being sure to leave some room in between. She reached over and grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

About an hour later, Gibbs' arm found its way over Jenny's shoulder and she was cuddled up closely to him.

"Jethro," Jenny started, "what is going on here?"

Gibbs shrugged. "I'm holding you in my arms. And, you're about to give into your desires and kiss me."

Jenny chuckled. "Pretty sure of yourself huh?" Gibbs nodded. "Normally I would try and prove you wrong, but I don't want you to be wrong now," she said before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down for a soft kiss.

That soft kiss turned into more heated kisses. The heated kisses became full of desire and moments later, their clothes were on the floor and Gibbs was making passionate love to Jenny, something he had waited to do for a very long time. Later on, he had her screaming his name as her pleasure reached her limits, and right after, he was screaming her name as he went over the edge too. They went on until about three in the morning before they fell asleep in each other's arms.

When Gibbs was sure Jenny was asleep, he pushed her hair off her face and whispered "I love you" softly in her ear before falling to sleep. It had been the first time he told someone he loved them, intimately of course, since Shannon. He was still awake when he heard Jenny whisper back sleepily "I love you too Jethro."  
***End Flashback***

_So I find me in your garden now_  
_A sad smile for the scene_  
_And all the flowers that we planted now_  
_Taken by the weeds_  
_But in my minds eye, you know they still bloom for me_  
_They stand tall there, in that summer breeze_

Gibbs couldn't help but grin at the memory. The grin was quickly replaced with a look of sadness mixed in with guilt. If only he had been there. He told himself that the "if only's" and "what if's" weren't going to bring Jenny back, but the thoughts were inevitable. Throughout the time Jenny was gone, he wanted to jump on a plane and follow her. There were several times that he thought something was going wrong. But he didn't trust his gut and he didn't go. And now look what happens. She died. Ducky told him that it probably was best for it to go this way. Merciful, as he put it. There was no damned mercy. Quick, yeah probably. But she was alone. Without love, and that was not merciful. Gibbs couldn't count the times he had come close to telling her how he felt. Now, more than ever, he wished that he kept going and actually told her. Whether it was in a drunken stupor or completely sober, one more chance to tell her would be the greatest feeling. But no, there was always the fear, or the interuptions, or something to stop the words from escaping either of their mouths. He stretched his arms back behind his head and closed his eyes at the memories of his close, but no cigar chances he had around Jenny. One memory, right after she had become Director of NCIS stood out. It was the closest he had gotten, but it still wasn't enough. Now it would never be enough.

_Leave the memories alone_  
_I don't want to see_  
_The way it is, as to how it used to be_  
_Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing_  
_And I'll just hold you here in my memory_  
_In my memory, yeah_

***Flashback*  
**Gibbs walked up to her office, not even bothering to knock. He sat in the chair opposite Jenny. She had her glasses perched on the tip of her nose and her head in her hand as she finished writing something up. Without looking up she said "Jethro, what do you need?"

He leaned forward and rested his hands on her desk. "Finished filing the report on Ari Haswari. Had a bit of time, decided to...come talk."

She looked up and took her glasses off, lying them in the center of her desk. She stood up and walked over to her cabinet and pulled out two glasses and a bottle of burbon. "Still the same drink, I presume?" Gibbs nodded and she poured them both a generous amount, sliding one of the two glasses over to Gibbs. She took a seat in the chair next to him and moved closer to him. "So, you wanted to 'come talk' as you so delightfully put it. Talk." She said it with a smile before taking a rather big swig of the burbon.

Gibbs turned towards her. "How's the job going? Can't really be too easy with everything going on now."

Jenny shook her head mid-drink. "No, it hasn't." She moved slightly away when Gibbs reached over to put his hand on her shoulder, but eventually leaned into the touch. She moved a bit closer to Gibbs and put her glass on the table before reaching out and taking his hand into her's. "Jethro I-"

"Sorry Director, I was told that-" Tony stopped mid sentence when he saw the scene he walked in on. "Sorry, Director Shepard, Boss. Uhh, just letting you know I put my report on your desk and I appear to have interupted something, so I'm just going to go." He finished up quickly and closed the door.

Quickly, Gibbs stood up and leaned over giving Jenny a kiss on the cheek. "Sorry Jen, it's late. We can talk some more tomorrow."  
***End Flashback***

_You'll never change_  
_You'll never change_  
_You'll never change_  
_You will never change_

Jenny was gone, Gibbs knew that. But the memories were still there. They would always be there as reminders of what they did have, and what they almost had again. Throughout the course of the night, some tears escaped from Gibbs' eyes, and he quickly wiped them off. Nothing could replace Jenny. Just like nothing could replace Shannon. They'd always be there, and there would always be others, but it wouldn't be the same. The memories reminded him of the happiness and sadness. Of what they had and what they lost. But throughout it all, he didn't want the memories to go. Whatever happened, Jenny and him still had Paris together. And he would always remember.


End file.
